1 Year Blog Sabbatical

sabbatical-1My early childhood memories have always revolved around old-fashioned writing/journaling. In 2005, I transitioned to blogging using the Yahoo 360 platform. FACT: I have always been a lazy blogger…blogging when I feel like it.

In fall of 2017, I started my masters and interviewed to become a student blogger. Out of the eighty students who applied, only eight were selected (I am happy to say I was among the eight!). The main reason I wanted to student blog was to challenge my creativity and get disciplined with posts. My mentor is a communications lecturer and she created a master calendar for postings. I must add, my mentor is very strict on deadlines!

After sharing my content with family and friends, they thought my blog posts were raw, unique, funny and exciting. Every passing blog has presented an opportunity for my growth as a blogger. In particular, I make an intentional effort to improve the overall quality of my blog.

I then started thinking about this personal blog: haloandbutterflies.com. I see so much potential as people have come forward to let me know that I have been an inspiration to them. However, I admit that I have been just plain lazy. Therefore, I have decided to take a sabbatical from this blog. I will be working behind the scenes to re-brand (both aesthetic and content).

What do I want to achieve upon return? I want to be able to reach a wider audience and encourage parents who have a child who has just been diagnosed with autism.

See you in 2018!

Update…thinking about GAP’s diet

It has been 6 months since I wrote on the blog. I really missed the therapeutic effect blogging/journaling gives…so here I go…
After my daughter’s last doctor visit, my husband and I decided to put a pause on going to doctors entirely. It was truly emotionally exhausting for us to be bounced from doctor to doctor. Since we were so emotionally tired and needed a break, we went on our first vacation ever in March. We selected a place where she could have lots of fun and we stayed there for 3 full days!
When we came back from vacation, we felt refreshed and decided to start house hunting. We had been casually looking for a home for almost a year so after the biomedical setbacks we had with my daughter, we decided that we needed more space so that we try more conventional approaches like ABA. (Our living situation at the time was a bit sticky as we did not have enough space for ABA Specialists to come and work with my daughter effectively.)
In an effort to pull all our resources and save every cent we had, we decided to put a pause on biomedical entirely. By the grace of God we found a home 2 months later and moved in. I felt like everything was moving fast! So many things were going well in every part of our lives but STILL… our daughter hadn’t recovered.
Present day- I still fill the same. I should be happy that so much has been achieved this year!!! However, I feel like I still have a void. When my daughter turned 6 this year, I felt sad. I felt mad. I felt ROBBED! I still remember the way she interacted with me before she regressed. She was the sweetest and happiest soul. She was kind and thoughtful. Now, it is sometimes a tad bit hard to see her through the sensory processing disorder, behaviors and stims. She is distant, I feel like I cannot reach her sometimes. In as much as I hold to the mantra of “everything will work out to my good” sometimes when Autism hits you in the right place where you are most vulnerable- you break! You ask, “Am I doing enough? Am I doing too little…. Wait- What the heck am I doing?”
My daughter has been off supplements for 6 months and you know what- she has maintained some of her gains but has also LOST quite a bit. So now that we have occupied our new home, I am going to start her on a couple of things. I have been reading about the GAPS diet. I am thinking of trying that in addition to Gluten Free & Casein Free. I am also steering away from biomedical doctors and anything that involves invasive therapies.
I am hoping to penn more soon! …ttyl

To be healed & made WHOLE!

Happy New Year! I have been away for quite some time. I have been extremely busy with work, some travelling and of course – my daughter.

After her 1 year bio-med anniversary, I was elated because we had seen some improvement. We had also discovered that bio-medically things were out of whack. The following were extremely high: WBC, Lymph, Glucose, Creatinine and the blood test showed positive for IBD/Crohns. When I looked at the lab results, I was relieved that were “headed” towards finding a definitive answer. This lead us to do an endoscopy and colonoscopy to confirm the Crohns. Nothing was really found…just inflammation and reflux. After taking the prescribed omeprazole for 3 months, nothing improved. She was still in pain. In fact, her behavior has radically changed (for the worse) since my last update in October. The GI doctor stated that the next thing would be an MRI.

I became concerned. First it was constipation scare, then crohns, then inflammation & reflux. We tried to eliminate all the causes of her gut pain but everything remains a mystery. I sought for a second opinion today through a research hospital and they advised that in as much as the blood test showed positive for IBD, it is not IBD. The new GI doctor now wants us to take stool samples, gas samples (yes! Gas! It is apparently a new test that tries to find sucrose malabsorption) You take some drink and capture some air into test tubes. As the new doctor was speaking, I kept thinking…man! I am going in circles. Not only that, I am probably losing it…gas samples???? How wacky does that sound? I don’t care if it is a cutting-edge technology.

As we were leaving the office, I felt DONE! I am done with chasing shadows. I am done chasing invasive and time consuming procedures. I felt like I was so into the rabbit hole I could not breathe. I then started thinking back to when my daughter was doing so well (in the beginning when we started bio-medical) …She did so well with purely natural foods, natural supplements & GFCF. Now, I am in the “modern medicine” arena and it is giving me a headache.

Then I thought, I don’t need to do most of these tests to find out how much of a biomedical mess a child on the spectrum is. I need to take steps to do things on my own- naturally. I am done! DONE DONE! FINITO!

In addition to the natural approach, I have opted to follow a spiritual route to healing. It reminds me of the 10 lepers in the bible. The one who was healed and came back to give thanks was also made whole. I started thinking about my daughter. I not only want her to be healed of the symptoms known as autism, I want her to be made whole. Meaning, any part of her body that is damaged will be fully restored to 100% capacity. (Luke 17: 11-19)

Lord Jesus, This Year…I claim this:

19 And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.

Amen & Amen

1 year bio-medical anniversary! (ATEC score update!)

A few weeks before my daughter was diagnosed, God began to minister to me about healing.  I remember asking him, “Who is sick in my household?” I had no clue. I asked him to continue to speak to me. That is when I was directed to purchase a book by Gina and Brian Walden titled, “A brand new day”. When I got this book, I read it as I paced up and down…I was done in less than an hour. I remember an unusual feeling, it is Autism. God prepared me for it even before I went in for the appointment.

On 8/12/2015, my daughter was diagnosed with Autism. It was a harsh reality for my family. The following are actual snippets from the diagnosis report from Kennedy Krieger:

The Gilliam Autism Rating Scale (GARS-3) was completed by [REDACTED]. [REDACTED] received a scaled score of 13 for restricted/repetitive behaviors, 13 for social interaction, 12 for social communication, 14 for emotional response, 10 for cognitive style, and 12 for maladaptive speech. This gives her an autism index of 121, which is in the very likely range of probability of autism, requiring very substantial support.

The Childhood Autism Rating Scale (CARS) was completed by the examiner. [REDACTED]received a total score of 42, which is in the severely autistic range.

I remember telling the doctor that my daughter will be fine and that I have faith in God. I look back and I am just in awe. This doctor was basically telling me that there was no hope for my daughter and I defied the doctors report and claimed the report of the Lord that she will be perfect and whole, just as God intended.

We conducted the ATEC score to see where my daughter was on the spectrum. She scored 127. That meant she was severe! We started biomedical right after and I finally understood what God meant a few months prior about “healing”. Her bloodwork showed that she practically had a non-existent immune system. She had gut issues etc.

I began having dreams. Dreams that showed that my daughter was happy, whole and could communicate in complex sentences. In one particular dream, I fell on the ground in joy and screamed with Joy, “JESUS!” and started crying. The most spectacular dream (I don’t know if I can call it that really) of all, I will reveal once my daughter gets fully restored.

In Jan 12 2016, roughly 4 months in, my daughters ATEC score went down to 71! …And today, exactly 2 days to her 1 year biomedical journey, she is at 57! That is practically at the 29th percentile while she initially started at the almost 90th percentile. I told my husband that she is now a 57 and he went behind my back and did the test…he got 56. He was astonished. We know she has improved, but we were also surprised at the accuracy of the test. It is definitely a good tool to have on the road to recovery. It gives a hard number to see improvement.


At this point, we have come a long way…all Glory belongs to God. Recently, God started ministering to me about healing and how he wants me to focus more on the spiritual aspect so that my daughter can get complete healing. Biomedical has been a good tool, but I must say it can be exhausting as sometimes even the doctors themselves scratch their heads. What a biomedical mess it is for kids on the spectrum. 1+1 is not always equals 2 in this world. I know that first hand because my daughter had elevated C reactive protein for crohns and after sometime, realized she doesn’t have it.

God now instructed me to purchase the book: God wants you well by Andrew Wommack. I blog not to get viewers but kind of like a journal because I will look back and testify of the far that God has brought my daughter and I. It shall be a testament of faith and healing!

I remember a few years ago, one of my friends was led by the spirit to tell me to start to blog again. I wondered why. This was even before my daughter’s diagnosis. I had stopped blogging but after getting that message, I decided to commit to at least 1 blog per month. Now I am understanding this has been a great tool in my journey.

Thank you Jesus for restoring my daughter!

Finding balance while fighting relentlessly + Tomorrow is not promised

Two weeks ago, I contacted one of my friends. I wanted to speak to her about life in general. I wanted to get an unbiased person to speak to. One who is not afraid to “tell it like it is”. I was tired of speaking to family members and my husband. My friend is as raw as they come, unfiltered and blunt. I don’t like hearing the harsh truth sometimes, but sometimes it is needed. In as much as my friend is blunt, she is the kind of person who will give sound encouraging advice. She will not build castles in the air or paint a fantasy.

Perhaps what makes my friend the way she is due to the fact that she has sickle cell anemia. Health-wise, she has her ups and downs (and I mean downs). I remember not too long ago she was hospitalized for a long period of time. She doesn’t let sickle cell define her. She has done quite well for herself academically and has a good career life. She has never let anything falter because of her diagnosis. I admire her so much.

So…I called her and told her about my daughter’s health issues, the crohns scare etc. I told her that nothing makes sense. The test results say one thing, then the next day another. It’s like chasing after the wind. I also told her about my marriage that I felt has been failing. I told her that I feel lost.

She listened intently and provided advice concerning my marriage first. Then she paused and then told me that she understands my daughter’s health struggles. She informed me that growing up, she was frequently hospitalized. In fact, her siblings too were hospitalized as well, I am unsure if her other siblings too have sickle cell. She then said that when she was young, she remembered seeing the neighbor’s kids play and have fun while she was often confined to her bed or in the hospital for treatments. When the eldest of the neighbor’s kids turned 9, one after the other, all became wheelchair bound. No diagnosis, no scientific explanation. 21+ years later, it remains the same. They are all wheelchair bound.

She then told me, tomorrow is not promised and that I should not see the diagnosis as a sentence. She challenged me to do everything to assist my daughter. She then told me how lucky I am that I am not back in Kenya, where there are limited services for kids on the spectrum.  Last, she said that I should not lose myself to things around me. I still need to take time for me! I can still hear her words… crystal clear.

I pondered on her words, firstly… I found it profound that I am truly blessed to be in a nation where there are specialized services. I want to be an advocate someday for kids on the spectrum, so I typically spend a lot of time researching, watching videos and listening to webinars. I remember watching a documentary about Autism in Kenya. I honestly cannot imagine what these parents go through, I can’t. I tear up every time I think of their challenges.

This week too, we received news about a promising colleague of mine who resigned. She was truly promising. She was born into a family of doctors. Her mom and dad are both specialists and she went to ivy league schools and was preparing for medicine school. She had an infectious personality and was kind. Almost overnight, she started missing work and eventually took medical leave. She explained in her departure email that she had a sport accident when she was young and now she is dealing with possible delayed repercussions. She has halted everything.

Again, tomorrow is not promised. We are called to do our best, to love unconditionally, to give willingly, help selflessly and I believe…to fight for your purpose relentlessly!

Lord Jesus, help me fight for my daughter relentlessly. Give me strength as I try to help other families in my situation. Help me find a balance in this all so that I do not drown. Then when it all comes to a close and you ask of me what I have done, I hope to hear, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful”

GI update + Crohns Scare

I start with the same line again: It’s been a little over a month since I provided an update on my daughter’s biomedical treatment. (Sucks I know, time flew by).I thank God for his abounding grace!!!

It has been really busy this past month, it has been filled with many tears, prayers, frustrations etc. I will give you a truncated version of what has transpired…Right after my daughter’s constipation diagnosis, we jumped in to do enemas and miralax in an attempt to do a bowel cleanse. Things went on ok and we expected our daughter to stop saying that she was hurt. The pain persisted and she seemed to complain even more!

Mother’s instinct/intuition made me go back to the GI doctor and tell him that there could be something more. He then recommended a blood test for some common GI diseases including crohns. Going to labcorb was a nightmare. It look 6 adults to hold an approximately 4ft 42lb girl. I was previously shy and in denial of mentioning that she is on the spectrum, but nowadays I am learning (emphasis on learning) to be open especially when it comes to her care.

The results of the test came back and the doctor was shocked to see that she tested positive for one of the C-reactive proteins for crohns. He indicated that an endoscopy and colonoscopy was needed to confirm this as she definitely did not fit the physical description of a crohns patient. I was crushed and I remember setting a full day off from work to cry as we did the liquid fast and bowel cleanse before the procedures. My main concern was the anesthesia. You hear so many stories of children who pass on after reacting (i.e cardiac arrest) to anesthesia.

The day of the procedure, I remained calm and knew that at this point, I have done my part and now I have to leave it to God and the doctors. We went to INOVA Fairfax surgery center. I must say, this is absolutely one of the best health institutions I have been to. The doctor (anaesthesiologist) even spoke to my daughter for 5 minutes and explained to her what she could expect. She was kind enough to explain in simple language and actions.

Fast forward…at the waiting room, we were with other parents and family members as we awaited to speak to our respective doctors. One family went before me. They had a child almost the age of my daughter. They went to the chat room and we heard loud wails and screams. I do not know if they got the C- Cancer word. I have no idea, I just presumed and felt my stomach flip and my heart jump into my throat. My husband whispered, “Gosh, I hope we don’t end up being like that”

When the nurse called us into the chat room, I squeezed my husband’s hand. We sat down and the doctor showed us pictures of the entire digestive tract from the esophagus all the way to the colon. He explained that she had a significant amount of inflammation as well as nodules and acid reflux. He stated that he would put her on omeprazole and it would take a couple of weeks before we could see any improvement.

At first I was like…acid reflux? I thought it would be something more significant. I was grateful but questioned if the diagnosis was right…especially after the fact that she tested positive for the c reactive protein for crohns. After researching further, I saw that indeed acid reflux can cause excruciating pain especially for kids on the spectrum. It made sense because my daughter used to have projectile vomit when she was born. She had it for quite some time. I brought it to the pediatrician’s office (don’t get me started on them and their ineptness) and they said I was overfeeding her. Right after she turned 2 years, the projectile vomit, gagging and difficult with solid food phase disappeared. Maybe it is because this is the time it switched to become silent reflux.

It has been almost 2 weeks and she is still complaining of tummy aches. I have decided to give the omeprazole time to work. I don’t want to be those kinda moms who always cry wolf. Perhaps they might not take me seriously next time.

My plan is to slowly start my daughter back on all of her biomed regimen. We stopped giving her some of the supplements especially because the procedure required her to be off quite a number of the supplements. With that, we have seen loss of speech and return of her sensory overload. Sigh!

I told one of my supervisors about my journey and she cried like a baby. I was in shock, I told her I never thought of my story being one of those sob stories. Perhaps it is because of my faith and also because I see children who have the worst of what autism has to offer.

Lastly, I joined this exclusive group of families with kids on the spectrum. So most of this summer, we have had activities strictly open to kids on the spectrum and their families. A non-judgmental zone. The first time I went it kind of freaked me out to see so many kids… humming simultaneously, flapping, holding their ears, scripting and walking around. I remember telling another mom who I work with who is a spectrum mommy. She has a 4 year old on the spectrum. She absolutely refused my numerous invitations to join the group, she said she is ok seeing her son but not others. I told her that for me, I cannot say that I am in this “Autism community” when I know nothing about what someone else is going though. Autism is a spectrum disorder meaning a myriad of behaviors and challenges… I owe it to the community (especially because I want to be an advocate one day) to understand their challenges. I have learned a lot about pica, wandering, childcare etc. than I would have ever understood.


Hugs and love!


Biomedical Update [Gastro. Pain & Other Issues]

It’s been a little over a month since I provided an update on my daughter’s biomedical treatment. I thank God that the biomedical treatment enabled my daughter to start communication with 1-2 unprompted speech and 3+ scripted words. The communication has enabled her to indicate that she is in pain. Of late, she started to complain, “Hurt mommy”, “Hurt” or “Stomach Hurt”. At every complaint, she will pull my hand towards her stomach and push it in-ward.

Once the intensity of the complaints increased, I decided to email the DAN! Doctor. I thought that I was crazy to bring this to his attention. After all, the primary care pediatricians always disregarded everything that I told them about. Even when over 1 year ago she would poop non stop… they just asked me to use an OTC probiotic. After 3 visits complaining of the same issue, I gave up and thought, “Dang, I sure can nag. Perhaps I am the problem”.

In the email sent to the DAN! Doctor, I indicated that I thought that my daughter possibly has LNH- Lymph nodular hyperplasia. He then referred me to a GI doctor in Northern Virginia. We booked an appointment for the following week. He was out of network with my husband’s insurance plan (a story for another day…arrggghhh), but at least we had a HSA card.

At her first GI visit, I went over numerous events, observation and complaints:

-Antibiotic usage during labor and delivery

-Acid reflux, projectile vomit, colic from birth through 2 years


-no formed stools before biomedical

-Diarrhea >5x/day

-Antibiotic prescribed roughly 10 times in under 2 years

-Height and weight plateau between 3-4 years of age

The doctor was perplexed that the pediatrician missed all these red flags. My daughter appeared to have had underlying GI problems since birth. No wonder she cried like someone was hurting her. She would give out blood curdling screams. It had been gut pain all along.

The doctor suggested that we do a quick x-ray. Once we did so, he ran back and advised that she has a lot of poop in her ascending and descending colon as well as a large ball of poop in her sigmoid. The radiologist used the word “severe” and the GI doctor advised that this is serious since he has NEVER seen this particular radiologist use this before. He doesn’t give such a report lightly. So he wrote a prescription for OTC Miralax for a bowel clean out and 1x/day for maintenance.

I thought to myself, all these time…I was there evangelizing to other parents that my daughter has diarrhea and is not constipated (Thank God). What a fool. I wanted to smack myself. How could I have missed all these signs. Why am I just acting now???? HUH?

After the bowel clean out, my daughter’s pain still persisted, so we went for yet another appointment with the GI doctor. He suggested that we do a blood test for Crohns, Colitis, IBS, Celiac ETC. (I never realized how agonizing it was to get blood from a 5 year old child on the spectrum. I mean, it took 5 adults to hold my daughter down.) After the tests come back, he will determine whether we need an endoscopy.

As I write this, I am in bed, lying next to my daughter. I feel guilty, remorseful etc. However, I refuse to wallow in it. All this happened and unfortunately, I had a pediatrician office that was more concerned about their practice size and patient size than about what this mom had inquired about. They gave me push back regarding her delays, tantrums, speech, GI issues etc. Each time, they showed that my daughter was merely a patient ID. Nobody bothered to see the pattern of ear infection after ear infection. Nobody cared. I can’t wallow in all that, it happened. As hard as it is to let it go, I feel that it is much easier for me to do that than wallow in this whole mess.

I am taking it day by day. God Mercies are new every morning. Thank God I wake up to a fresh amount tomorrow. I am held in the hands of the father, and so is my daughter. He won’t let go. I can prophetically say that I know I will look back at this post, and cry. I will say, wow…thank you God for healing my daughter and brining me this far. Thank you for directing me and taking me to greener pastures, where my daughters boundaries are extended to fall into only pleasant places…and where she is free of pain and is HAPPY.

5th Birthday!

My daughter turns 5 years tomorrow. I am ecstatic that she will be going to kindergarten this fall. I think the full time schooling will assist her. The school that she has been accepted to is specialized for kids on the spectrum. The student to teacher ratio is really low, I am glad because she needs small classes at this point in order to thrive.

5 years ago today, I was being induced. I was so anxious to see my daughter. I thought of how we would be doing girly things. I thought of the tea parties, dances and silly conversations we would have. Things didn’t turn out the way I planned.

I watched the son rise program movie called A miracle of Love. I really loved the movie because it called parents to engage their children and enter their world in an attempt to “pull them out”. The underlying things in this program is LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. The program founders believe that once a child on the spectrum is able to engage socially, everything else will follow. Raun Kaufman, one of the founders was fully recovered in the 70’s due to this whole program.

After the movie, I reviewed my daughter’s situation. She has numerous behavioral issues and sometimes it is easier to give her the Ipad to calm her down. I think this further puts her into her social isolation. As much as she has made great strides, she still needs to exclusively be in our world and not teeter totter between hers and ours.

I spoke to my husband about the son rise program. We do not have money to go for the complete training, so I thought of coming up with my own version of the program. I am excited because I know that son rise has LOVE and ACCEPTANCE as one of the foundations of their program. Truly, LOVE conquers all. We know that from the word of God. God gave us his only begotten son because he LOVED the world. He gave him to us so that we don’t die but have everlasting life.


I love you my dear, you shall be fully recovered.

Love, Mom.

Spiritual Aspect of Autism

John 10:10-29King James Version (KJV)

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly

I watched the movie Prisoners featuring Hugh Jackman. It is a riveting movie that follows two families that had their baby girls kidnapped. The children were locked in a room and given drugs. They were told that the only way they could go home is if they completed the puzzle book. I can’t even begin to think who on earth thought this twisted movie through. It seems too evil. The children seemed trapped in their own minds. They were truly physical and mental prisoners.

When the kidnapper was approached by dad, she explained, Making children disappear is the war we wage with GodMakes people lose their faithTurns them into demonslike you” I was like WHAT THE HECK? What a heart wrenching movie because there are crazies like this who are roaming on this earth.

After the end of the movie, the wheels in my head continued to turn. I then thought of how similar the situation was to my daughter. She seems to be a prisoner both physically and mentally. I know that people say that the kids on the spectrum do what they do intentionally, but I beg to differ. Why on earth would a child bang their head…day in day out on a wall. There is something…be it a chemical imbalance or whatever.

Children are beautiful souls. So innocent. We hear of them being “the hope and leaders for tomorrow”. Michael Jackson also sang that the children are our future. What better way than for the devil to “KILL, STEAL AND DESTROY” these precious souls. He is corrupting the view of children. Does the average person see a child with ASD as a hope?

Jesus loves the little children. It shows when he told the disciples to let the children come to him. What a loving God. All of these children on the spectrum have a plan from God. His will is to make them prosper.

After this movie, I went on with life. I hadn’t learned the lesson yet. So as usual, God found another way to speak to me. I remember asking God to give me a message and 1 week later…oh boy didn’t he speak. He underlined the spiritual aspect of healing for my daughter. I think I was focusing so much on the routines of biomedical that I totally forgot to actually STOP and continue to claim healing for my daughter.

At this juncture, I also read in the bible about Jesus healing a boy with a mute spirit. In Mark 9:14-29, the father of the boy explains that the son got the issue at childhood (regression) and became mute. He also seemed to have seizures (a third of children with ASD suffer from epilepsy as well). The good news is that Jesus healed him. I don’t think this is all pure coincidence. I believe that we serve the SAME GOD- today, tomorrow and forever. What he did then, he can do now.

I was floored by the revelations that God has been teaching me, day after day. He is opening the eyes to my heart and soul. We serve a mighty God. I pray that God continues to remove the scales of ASD on my daughter until COMPLETE healing is achieved. Amen!

Dear God RE: Autism

Where are you God?

I have searched you, I have sought you. I am still yet to find you.

I feel helpless as I watch my daughter, I can’t do anything

I am left with intangible tools: HOPE, FAITH AND TRUST.


How I wish you could come down and give me a hug and a word

To say that she will be ok and that I am on the right path.

How I wish you could come down and let me touch the hem of your garment.

I sometimes long for the tangible. Something that I can feel and see.


I feel like my heart is bleeding.

The pain comes from the depths of my soul and then spills into my heart.

It churns as I think of my beautiful daughter.


I don’t want my heart to die.

I want it to keep beating to the tune of hope and possibilities.

I want it to beat anew as I see my daughter come out from this prison.


She is being held hostage in her mind and her body.

She looks into my eyes and I see a thousand words

I can only hug her and pray that she understands that I will fight.


I need you Lord!

Be my strength and our healer.

Hasten the healing.